Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
