is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize