I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
