I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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