If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
