I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We left an ass print on the piano.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
