So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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