guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize