dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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