i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
