Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's no shave November. This is our time.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
