You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize