we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
