Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
