Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
