oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
