So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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