i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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