Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
