You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
whose parrot is this?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
