and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
