You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
