Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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