there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
