I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
