Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
