It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
