I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
