dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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