Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
