i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
