dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
