whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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