never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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