My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
