He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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