My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
