New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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