yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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