Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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