Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
