she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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