So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
