I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
