I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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