can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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