I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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