ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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