i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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