im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
