I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
pray to the hookup gods
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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