Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(719): View more from Colorado

Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night

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(507): View more from Minnesota

he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live

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(519): View more from Ontario

Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.

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(917): View more from New York City

dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked

(646): View more from New York

oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now

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