my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
