I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
