Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Randomize
