Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
