You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize