batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
