if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
