only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
