i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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