I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
