if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
