Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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