I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Green mimosas i think yes
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
