You smell like a Billy Joel song
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
