just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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