You just made me feel so damn special
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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