I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
