this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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