i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
