I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
