Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
