Acid is not a monday night drug
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
