dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
