How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
