When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
