I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
