i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
